My Daughter is Not a Pot Pie

Anything dealing with child rearing comes with a good dose of advice – most of it unsolicited and some very irritating.  Don’t get me wrong – my mommy friends are the most amazing resource there is.  Better than Dr. Spock, better than What to Expect and yes, at many times, better than a pediatrician.  Let’s face it, we are living in the trenches everyday.  Navigating toddler warfare and negotiating with tiny tyrants.  I don’t mind the advice when it’s positioned more as “this is what worked for me” rather than gospel.  You see, some moms feel that their way is the ONLY way.  I am NOT one of those moms.  I’m a big believer in the “do what works for you” method.

Raising children is a journey.  A journey filled with spit up, crying, whining, snot and explosive diapers.  But along that journey you get tons of hugs, open-mouthed kisses (those are my favorite and I don’t care if you think I’m gross), I love yous and my current favorite – “mommy you are my best friend in the whole coconut world in my entire life”. I have no idea what it means but I think it means my daughter loves me…a lot.

When your mommy peers start to reach milestones with their kids, from rolling over, crawling, smiling, walking, etc., you wait with bated breath until it’s your turn.  It’s not really mommy envy, rather, you just can’t wait to experience it for yourself.  And with every milestone comes the obligatory and expected advice.  ”When she starts crawling, make sure you have all of your electrical outlets are covered” and “Get the rubber coffee table bumpers instead of the foam – I liked them better”.  That advice is fine and helpful.  But what really pisses me off are the judgemental, yet passive comments that they try to disguise as advice.  ”Ohhh, she’s not crawling yet? Have you asked your doctor if you should start any therapy? My perfect little spawn was running half marathons at 11 months old!” Or “She’s a picky eater huh? Have you tried hiding the veggies?”  What a genius idea captain obvious.  I just told you my daughter eats Cheerios and Rice Krispies and french fries.  So when you can figure out how to hide veggies in those items, not only will I sing your praises in the preschool parking lot, but I will also be sure and nominate you for a Nobel Prize.

So one of the Biggest toddler milestones is without a doubt potty training.  To those of you who swear your kid was potty trained at a year old – you can suck it.  Potty training is the worst, but having mothers tell you, or insinuate you are doing something wrong only adds salty goldfish to the wound.

We tried potty training when Ava was about 2 1/2 because I had people pressuring me, telling me she was ready and I thought I was too.  For this round we employed the egg timer method.  We basically ushered her to the toilet every 20-30 minutes and made he sit there until she went.  Sometimes it was 5 mins, sometimes it was 30.  The first day she showed interest and got excited when she went.  But then, everything went downhill.  She was stressed out, we were stressed out, and it just didn’t feel right.  My already hefty laundry load was now even worse with countless pairs of tiny soaked Dora and Princess panties.  I had my poor kid sitting on a towel everywhere like an untrained puppy and I needed a drink.  So after 3 days, I said, screw this.  I’m not forcing her.  When she’s ready, she’s ready.

After about 4 or 5 months and no talk of using the potty or bribes that came along with it, she just started asking to go at random times.  I acted like it was no big deal but what I really wanted to do was a good old-fashioned toe touch with some spirit fingers thrown in for good measure (which i pull off flawlessly in my head but then I realize I am not an 18-yr old cheerleader anymore and am reminded I should probably take my calcium).  We didn’t push, we just left it alone and when she asked, we took her.

Then I heard about the e-book for the Three Day Potty Training method.  I read some of the info and liked what I was seeing.  It was stern but not forceful.  It felt like a lot less pressure and much more doable knowing Ava’s personality.  I knew that I couldn’t employ the same method as last time.  While it worked for a number of people I know, my daughter was not like a perfectly golden pot pie waiting for the ding of the oven timer.  Her body was her body and it was not on a schedule.

We went to Target a couple of weeks before I knew we were starting round 2 and I let her pick out her own big girl underwear.  We talked casually about how soon we were going to lose the pull ups and be a big girl.  And her teachers even sweetened the pot by offering up an ice cream party when she crossed the finish line.  Ice cream is one of the 5 foods my daughter will usually eat, but only Vanilla, no sprinkles, no hot fudge, no flare.

We started the training on a Monday and I could tell immediately it was different this time.  She was not panicked, not stressed, and not being bossed around by an egg timer.  Of course there were a few accidents, but we didn’t make a big deal.  We just grabbed one of the 50 pairs of the cutest panties you’ve ever seen and kept rolling.  She is so proud of herself and it’s evident.

There are a million methods people use all the time, but every kid is different and you can’t expect the same thing to work for you that worked for your best friend.  And that is true with every part of parenting.

So listen to the advice and read the books, but make it your own.  Always throw in your own twist because nobody knows your kids better than you do.  Just sit back and enjoy the bumpy, bodily fluid-filled, but AWESOME ride.  And don’t worry about the know-it- all mommy.  Her kid may be constructing concertos on his little tykes piano at 15 months, but i guarantee he still has some evidence of toddlerhood comfort he’s not quite ready to let go of – a paci, a bottle or maybe he’ll still be breast feeding at the age of 5.